My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now, and a few months into the relationship, we started having sex. From the very beginning, I made it clear that we would always use a condom. Since we’re both still in school and don’t have the financial means, getting pregnant would be a disaster. So I always insist on using a condom because I don’t want any accidents.

But there are times when my boyfriend tries to test my boundaries by asking, “Can we skip the condom just for a few seconds? I’ll put it on afterward🥹.” Or right before we’re about to start, he’ll suggest not using it for the first few moments, arguing that he’s not fully excited yet, and there won’t be any sperm coming out, so it should be safe.

Each time, I explain to him that even a few seconds can carry a risk, and as Do姐 (a well-known personality) says, “An accident means something unexpected.” I don’t want even a 1% chance of something going wrong. I also share my concerns with him, helping him understand that even if he says he’ll take responsibility for an accidental pregnancy, it’s still my body. I’m the one who will experience the pregnancy, whether I decide to give birth or have an abortion. To put it bluntly, I’ll be going through more than he will. It’s not enough for him to simply say, “I’ll be by your side”—it doesn’t equate to going through the same experience as me.

I hope he can understand my perspective and concerns, and not forget my feelings or the potential consequences just for a moment of pleasure.

One day, a couple of days after my period, he asked me again, “Can we skip the condom this time, just for a few seconds🥺?” He gave me that pitiful, innocent look, acting cute and sincere. He even did his research this time—he found a doctor’s statement online that the chances of getting pregnant 1-3 days after your period are lower. So he brought it up again. I was honestly surprised that he went to such lengths to convince me, even looking up facts online. For a moment, I felt myself soften a little. He’s brought this up quite a few times before, sometimes jokingly, sometimes by acting cute. But he’s never forced me, secretly removed the condom, or gotten angry about it.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m being too strict, not considering his feelings, not being understanding enough, or not trusting him. I start to doubt myself. After all, I believe he’s a reliable person, and if I ever got pregnant by accident, I trust that he’d face it with me.

When I talk to my female friends about this, they often say, “Men are just like that,” or “What man likes using condoms?” or “If you get pregnant, it’s not him who has to deal with it.” It feels like we, as women, have already been conditioned to accept that “men are like this.” Men might also feel that it’s only natural to say, “Men don’t like using condoms,” and use that to convince their partner to lower her boundaries, to accept and accommodate them because you love them.

Is this invisible pressure, or maybe culture? I don’t know. But it might be a reason why some women lower their boundaries to satisfy their partner, holding on to hope each month that nothing goes wrong.

Of course, I still talk to my boyfriend about my worries and explain that this decision isn’t just about protecting me, but protecting him too. I don’t want him to feel guilty if I end up accidentally pregnant, or regret it if I have to terminate the pregnancy. I also don’t want our relationship to change because of an accident, especially when the accident could have been avoided.

I don’t know if, one day, I’ll give in and be convinced to lower my boundaries. I also don’t know if my boyfriend will eventually get frustrated, lose patience, and leave. But for now, I still believe that protecting myself is the right choice. And if he leaves me because of this, then I can only say, “He didn’t really love me after all.”